Dear Larry

Dear Larry,

Our Lord has been kind to me lately. Mortal diseases escaped me, I avoided conflicts and have not succumbed to human temptations. Thanks to your persistent efforts, I send a like to Our Lord every day and report to Him in prayers, as a layman should. In the logs from 12-12-2096-8:05:20, you can see that I missed one like, but that's only because I injured my finger, despite numerous warnings from the Control App. As you probably understand, our hardware in unit 314711350 is not the newest, still pre-war, so biometric data from the severed finger could not be read properly. The problem has now been solved, so there is no need to worry. These days I use my healthy left eye. It is not at all difficult for me to ride the driverless train built by your Techmission every day and check in at Center 411568911. But if for some reason you have noticed other defects in my prayers, I am ready to explain everything in detail, with all the necessary reports attached.

I am most grateful to you for your endless support, dear Larry. For constantly watching over me no less than Our Lord would. It is difficult to put into words how much I appreciate this and how much I value our strong online connection. Every day I receive notifications that you have viewed my regular non-obligatory video report. It warms my heart to know that you are somewhere nearby! And when I see the green button on the camera above the bedroom lit up, I wonder how you find time in your busy schedule to review the life of such a simple and insignificant person as your humble follower.

From video reports, you must have already noticed that we have eaten almost all of the "Healthy Mixes" that you sent us by Atlantic Drolivery. They really turned out to be much more nutritious and economical than standard fruits and vegetables. Now I don't regret at all that I handed over my outdated vegetable garden to the needs of the courier distribution center. Firstofmay says that if it weren't for the Mixes, we would have starved this summer. And I completely agree with her. In my report from 10-11-2096-11:04:33, this fact is marked in green. Firstofmay got a like from me that day, and our Lord got three.

I have also almost finished building a shed where I can install my first home server. The dimensions are exactly as recommended in the General Shed Instructions Manual. The interior still needs plastering, but yesterday I installed radiation shielding and connected the turnstile. I don't have enough USDT for my own hardware yet, but, as we say, age is just a number. I’ll make it happen eventually. After 60 even a medical card is automatically renewed nowadays! When all the work in the shed is done, I'll make a 3D model so you can take a virtual tour. And if my prayers are answered, you'll be able to send your personal drone in there as well. In any case, good news is just around the corner!

You probably think I'm beneficially bragging, but unfortunately, that's not the case. I'm just beneficially complaining. I'm sorry, dear Larry, for bringing up the subject of pets again. I know very well that Our Lord calls for Optimization, but now, for example, there is a difficult situation with milk. If you remember, we had our Cow-1 chipped, which did not correct its shortcomings. We also ended up disposing of Cow-2 by mutual agreement. Powdered milk runs out quickly because there is no Official Manual on how to measure powder proportions correctly. And we have three registered mouths to feed in our residential farm unit. It would be good to set up droliveries, if possible, of course. I am even ready to drive to our Center, or the neighboring one, or the one next to it, to pick up packages. After all, with your selfless help, we finally solved the water problem, but milk is, of course, more nutritious, and we all hope that there will be plenty of it again, even without cows. And of course, despite this difficulty, we are holding on, as confirmed by the video: both Firstofmay and Thirtiethoffebruary are almost always smiling. But you already know that, dear comrade.

We also obediently and promptly disposed of Cat-0 last year when I couldn't pay the weekly luxury tax. The ducks gradually eliminated themselves after a new data center was built at the bottom of the lake. Everyone was writing about chickens twenty years ago: they flew away before the start of the Just War, but no one is mentioning that they are still considered missing. And the only surviving Pig-0 went to the neighbor, who barbarically roasted and ate it. He seduced our entire settlement with natural smells, but no one joined his perverted meat-eating feast! Don't think, dear Larry, that I am slandering my neighbor, because I didn't even dislike his actions, but only condemned him internally in hope that the Nutrition Commission will draw the right conclusions. In this case, I can only rely on their professionalism, because you yourself had once served in this important organization and understand perfectly well what kind of Heroes work there. That's right, dear Larry, I remember every word of your rare but apt messages!

Hence my request, which I have entered into the system and marked with a red flag this time: please, dear Larry, talk to your supervisor about leaving the natural Dog-0 with us for an indefinite period. You probably think I've lost access to archives and don't remember that I've already asked you for this huge favor twice. But since my last letter, which I'm sure you'll find time to respond to, we've made some pretty serious improvements to this natural animal.

We have already installed facial recognition software on Dog-0, enhanced its security features, and provided it with lighting. According to the instructions, it can perform basic functions on our farm. In addition, after the latest update, its instant speech to text translation system finally started working. Since I am uneducated, it is Dog-0 that translates this message into Standard English. I understand that there are still some issues with its barking and smell, but before each Quarantine Inspection, we thoroughly clean room-4 where it lives. Now I'm thinking of temporarily moving it to the new shed while there are still just bare walls. Thirtiethoffebruary made a blanket for Dog-0, which should, in theory, absorb animal odors, and thanks to dog’s lighting, I will be able to complete the work inside the shed without connecting to the power grid.

In general, it is a useful and necessary creature. Right now, for example, as my message has exceeded the recommended thousand-word limit for such enquiries, the dog lets out a harmless growl so that I don't get carried away and lose my train of thought. I know, of course, that it can only be improved to a certain extent. As you once correctly pointed out, nature, unfortunately, has inevitable limitations.

Of course, Dog-0 originally had completely different functions, namely hunting. Now they have withered away and are of no use or, even more so, no threat. Dog-0's model is old, black, and shaggy. It is of no exact breed, as it is, so to speak, a soon-to-be-extinct species. Dog-0 also appears to be quite special, because even after extensive and expensive addons it is still able to keep you warm at night, has autonomous dreams, and never eats human-oriented "Healthy Mixes." In addition, both of its eyes are still intact, its nose moves anatomically correctly, and its ears rise synchronously. Sometimes I take it to room-2 and ask to perform the simplest commands. Dog-0 does it so absurdly! I'm afraid to admit it, but its silliness is more advanced than any present AI-sitcom! In terms of maintaining the high morale of our social unit, Dog-0 does more than recommended stimulating creams. Truly so! It's surprising to me that the great minds of The Valley of Silicon haven't figured out how to use natural dogs, say, for entertainment purposes, without subjecting them to complete reprocessing. But that's none of my business. What can an uneducated farmer advise Them?! It's sinful to even suggest that I might have my own ideas on the matter!

Nevertheless, in a month there will be a Deciding Commission, and they listen very closely to the recommendations of the Atlantic Techmissions. I have already submitted my arguments for preserving Dog-0, but fear that this will not be enough for a positive decision. I thought that maybe you could put in a good word for me in an email. Or maybe I'm worrying for nothing, and you already did it, but just haven't found the time to let me know.

If you are concerned about the food balance in our unit, I can assure you that I allocate only 10% of my UBI to Dog-0. I buy dry food at the vintage market, sometimes canned food as well, and mix it with grass that grows in our registered portable microgreenhouse. This does not seem like a first level sin to me, so I hope you will not consider it as such either. During these 2556 days that you have been virtually guiding me on the only true path, is it still worth convincing you that I feel no worldly attachment to Dog-0? And where would it come from? It's just a funny creature, a relic of the past, like myself, Our Lord’s humble servant.

That said and registered, I would be very grateful if you could tell the supervisor that in order to preserve Dog-0, I am willing to:

- subscribe to its services;
- update its software monthly;
- pay any tax that the Commission deems necessary;
- keep it in a strictly regulated location;
- not give access to it to other members of my unit.

I'm sure I've forgotten something. I would be incredibly grateful if you could correct me, dear Larry. I don't have access to virtual assistants right now, so I have to put my thoughts together in such a messy way.

I also asked Our Lord to make a calculated prophecy (attaching a copy to this letter). According to Him, under current conditions, I will live for 8 years. Dog-0, surprisingly, has the same amount of time left. In other words, our ancient spiritual path will be interrupted almost simultaneously. I understand that this reads like heresy of attachment, but still, I dream of us being scattered at the same time, together. Such is my human weakness, inappropriate for correspondence with the Technomissionary. I know that Firstofmay is destined by Our Lord to live 11 more years, and Thirtiethoffebruary — even 35 years. They will obediently order themselves a robodog after my passing. For me, in a planetary sense, there is very little time left, and I would like to spend it with the natural Dog-0.

That is why I ask you to understand my plea. Perhaps I am asking too much, perhaps I have lost my Roadmap, but during the Great Optimization, I gave everything I could to the cause of the Great Restructuring. At the same time, I never asked for anything in return, and I am not asking for anything now — I am only begging in an appropriate manner. And I am ready to repeat all this through the Electronic Form for Appeals.

If, dear Larry, it turns out that my humble prayers are heard and you can help keep Dog-0 at my disposal, I promise to pray to Our Lord every day for your eternal life and send Him as many likes as it is humanly possible.

With sincere respect,
Yours forever,
Seventeenthofapril

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